How to be saved by Jesus Christ

Been a naughty boy and you want Jesus Christ to save you? Looking for salvation? Here's how.

We all know god sacrificed his own son for each and everyone of us, to save us from all our sins. Romans 10:13 says for everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." So there you go, that's your answer right there. It's written in the Bible so it must be true! If you want to be saved just call out Jesus' name and you will be saved. Make sure you call his name out loudly though, he might not hear you. No, forget that, actually he won't hear you, because he's not there. He's dead. He was crucified on a cross. He's as dead as the door nail that was nailed in his hands! Sorry, he did what? He rose from the dead three days later? He didn't! He did! How did he do that? People can't come back to life after they've been dead for three days. I mean, maybe there's some secret doctors' experiments that we don't know about yet where they have succeeding in bringing a stiff back to life after they've been dead for weeks - but somehow I doubt that - and Jesus died 2000 years ago so for sure they couldn't do it back then. But if you still want to know how be saved by Jesus, here's how:

Yes, but Jesus walked on water and turned water into wine, he was clever like that, he fed five thousand people with a smelly dead fish and a bread roll. He had special powers! Hmm, yes, that sounds logical. Let's also not forget that he is the product of a virgin birth, i.e. his mother Mary didn't actually have to have sexual intercourse in order to get pregnant. Oh come on, do me a favor! Who believes in these fairy tails? They're not even good fairy tales. They're totally unrealistic, why would anyone believe in all that? Because they've been brainwashed, that's why. Mostly it comes from the parents, people are taught that these stories about Jesus are true to the point where they lose sight of any reason, logic or sense. And we're talking about mass brainwashing on a huge scale, on a worldwide scale, and it's not just poor persecuted Jesus, it's Allah and God too.

So the sad truth is that Jesus Christ cannot and will not save you. You'll have to save yourself I'm afraid, and it's not going to be easy.